the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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