I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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