Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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