Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
