i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
