she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
