he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
