You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
