Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
