i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
