I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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