Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
