first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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