Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
