alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
