woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
