i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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