proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
accomplished twins. life is a go
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
my poor anus
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
