WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
