I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
