i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Someone came in the potted fern
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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