respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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