I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
