i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You smell like stripper and shame
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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