She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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