So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
