Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
