I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
