I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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