i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
