he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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