a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
