I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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