I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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