My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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