Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
where does the pee come out of this thing
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
