Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I believe in your delicious
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
