My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
