hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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