The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
