Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
