Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
