actually, I'm a sock model
I showed him my bush... on skype.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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