Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
