Your tits are I can't wait for
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Let's get the cat blown out
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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