i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
