didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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