just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
