He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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