maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
